Monday, September 5, 2011

Simple Questions on my mind

I am starting to think of questions to ask the various doctors we’ll be working with.  Some of them are simple things that wouldn’t matter to most people, but to me they matter.  Yes, I have many not so simple questions in there too, but todayI thought I would put some of the simpler ones down here so you can get a peek into my head.

  • When I have the C-section will I get to see and hold my son?  Yes, I know they will need to sew me back up and do some basic checking on my little man, but will I get some time in recovery to hold Mason, look at his fingers, toes, back, and nose?  Time to kiss on him and tell him how much mommy loves him before they take him to another hospital without me?  Will it be possible or will he be taken immediately to Childrens?
  • Do I really have to stay four days in the hospital after my C-section?  If so, will I be allowed to visit Mason’s hospital on a ‘hall pass” more than once? 
  • Once I’m out of the hospital am I allowed to stay with Mason at his hospital day and night, or do I have visiting hours to deal with?  Yes, I know I’ll want to go home and see my other children to reassure them mommy is okay and love on them, but while my baby is in the hospital I want to be with him.  How can we make that happen?
  • How do you prepare your other children for the sudden disappearance of both parents for a large portion of several weeks?  Yes, I know they’ll be with grandma, which I’m grateful for, so I’m not worried for them so much as I’m sad we’ll be apart so much.  How do I explain that to my current baby who will barely be a year old?
  • Just what are my restrictions after the C-Section?  If I can’t drive how can I get to my baby?  How will I cope with lifting restrictions?  C-sections stink folks, it sucks that I have to have one even though I understand it will be the best for Mason.  It just complicates life for weeks afterward instead of feeling back to normal within two days of birth.

Sigh.  Just typing some of that out is making me cry this morning.  I want to hold and protect my son, I want to be the one doing the medicines, bandages, diapers, and such, but we’ll have to rely in many ways on total strangers because his needs are more than I know how to meet.  I just want to hold my baby.


  1. Those seperations can be so hard!After two year long deployments though we have learned a thing or two. Phone calls will do wonders for the kids and for you!Those few days/weeks you are apart will feel so long BUT I promise when you look back after a lifetime together you and the kids will hardly remember it!

    Love you!

  2. I have had 4 c-sections done by 3 different doctors in 3 different states. I stayed only 2 days with all 4 because I really just don't sleep in the hospital and needed to be home. The important thing is to get moving, and if you are healing nicely, the doctor should be willing to let you go. Most doctors listen to their patients and take their wishes into consideration.

    Whether or not I was able to hold my babies until after I was through recovery depended on the hospital and the baby's condition. They did rush my first off pretty quick, so I was allowed only a quick look and touch. Your's is a more serious situation, so it will be different. I hope you get to love on your sweet baby, and will pray that you do.

  3. I'm sure your situation is much different than my own, but here is what happened with my NICU baby.

    I didn't see him after he was born because he had to be rushed off (he wasn't breathing). They took my bed into his room 3 hours later, but I couldn't sit up to hold him. I was able to touch his toes.

    We were not allowed to hold him for 3 days. He had 6 to 8 IVs at all times, including one in his umbilical cord. Apparently the umbilical cord one is the best place, but very easy to fall out. Once it falls out they can't get it back in so we had to wait until he "blew" that line. Then we were able to hold him.

    We were able to stay the night and all day, from the time he was born until he left. Sometimes the nurses would get really cranky with us, but I didn't care. We did take breaks and spent time with our other 3 children though. And sometimes I just needed to sleep laying down instead of in their reclining chair (darn c-section scar). A lot of times my husband would spend the night with him and I'd spend most of the day. Hubby did better in the cramped chair than I did and I think it helped his daddy heart to feel like he was protecting his son.

    I did stay the full 4 days, but my baby was in the same hospital as me. I couldn't drive for over a month but could hold him (newborns are within the weight limitations!). I had friend's drive me and my husband was able to get some time off of work. There were a few days when I couldn't get up there at all, and those days I prayed a whole lot, cried a whole lot and did my best to spend good time with my other kids.

    A sweet lady in our ward made a "hospital" bag for our older children. It had books, activities, snacks, gum, coloring books/crayons and all sorts of wonderful things. They weren't allowed in NICU but they did sit in the lobby for hours and hours every day. They loved their hospital bag. One parent always stayed out with them, and we switched back and forth as to who was in the room with baby. The nurses were also very sweet and changed the channel in the lobby to kid shows...they also had books and coloring pages for the boys. Now that I have my iPod with lots of apps, I would bring that. And sometimes we brought portable DVD players for them to watch. In fact, if you email me your mailing address I'll send you a bag.

    I was able to use the hospital breast pump (and then borrow a friend's hospital-grade one). It saved my sanity. I felt so helpless but pumping breastmilk gave me something tangible I could do. I wasn't able to do all the other 'mommy' things, but I could do that. I do wish that I had advocated for myself better though. They were very "don't touch him more than necessary" but I wish that I had really questioned that and pushed them on it, instead of taking their word as law. I totally understood the umbilical cord one, and he had several IVs in his head too, but what about the other times? ASK QUESTIONS and ask more than one person.

    And DO take care of yourself. It's so easy to go into hyper-mode because you can't do much so you too what you can too much. Get good sleep. Eat well. Stay hydrated. Pray. You'll heal faster from your c-section and you'll be able to handle the stresses that come. NICU babies tend to do well and then something happens and they regress a bit, then get better, then something bad happens. If you are taking care of YOU, you'll be able to deal with that better. And ask for help. Ask the church ladies for meals and rides and childcare and whatever else you need. I wish I were there to help you, but I'll be praying for you!

  4. I've had three c-sections. With the first I stayed 5 days, with the other two I stayed 2 days. (I got my doctor to agree to discharge me after 1 day with the second one, but the pediatrician wouldn't discharge my son since he was 36 weeks 5 days, so I said I'd stay longer.)

    I was told no driving for 2 weeks, and pick up nothing heavier then baby for 2 weeks. Use the abdominal wrap they give you and get up and move as soon as you can.
    Listen to your body -- it will let you know when you're pushing too much.

    Use the pain medicines they give you.

  5. I totally understand this post. I wanted a vaginal birth but had to have a c section. I did not get to hold my son, he went straight into the transport dealy, they rolled him up near my head, I could not touch him, and he went straight to the NICU.


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