Sunday, January 8, 2012

Emotions On the Eve of Birth

Tomorrow, unless Mason’s fetal lung maturity test tells us otherwise, we will meet our son.  Delivery is expected to be in the morning.

Right now I’m such a mess of emotions.  I’m so excited to meet Mason and get our life raising this son started.  He has been loved from the moment we knew we were pregnant and even before that.  I can’t wait to see how he fits in with his 6 older siblings in looks and personality. 

I’m also in tears over this separated beginning we’ll start with.  For days we will be in different hospitals.  I’ll be on a floor full of new moms and babies, able to hear their babies cries no matter where I am, yet my arms will be empty.  My son will be miles away from me.  It’s breaking my heart. 

I know there are people who would like to visit me in the hospital, to keep me company.  To be honest I don’t want to sit there and pretend I’m okay.  I don’t want to smile and make small talk.  I don’t want company.  I want to focus on doing everything I can to get out of that hospital and to my son.  That means walking, eating, sleeping, and pumping. 

I know this is part of God’s plan.  I am so blessed to live in a time and place where Mason will be given the medical care he needs to survive.  I know this.  Forty or fifty years ago my son’s medical condition would have been a death sentence due to it’s severity.  And I’m grateful – oh so grateful – that God has sent Mason to our family. 

It still doesn’t make it any easier emotionally. 


  1. You dont have to pretend its ok. I know thats what we are "programed" to do, but everyone will understand that your not feeling ok. I'm praying the days you are apart go swiftly for you! I love you SO much and I am greatful to that Mason has the care he will need to live a wonderful life here in our family.

    Love you!

  2. Sending prayers your way. Praying the Lord will send you some comfort. Praying you heal quickly and can go to your son as soon as you can. Praying for the doctors who will be taking care of you and Mason. Praying for your hubby and other children as well. I am continually amazed by your strength!

  3. Hi Tristan,

    Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you especially over the last and next few days.

    I had a c-section with Isabella and just wanted to encourage you, depending upon your hospital's policies (and the type of incision you need), it needn't be days of separation. I went home less than 48 hours after surgery (and could have comfortably gone home only 24 hours after). I took the pain medication on schedule whether I hurt or not while in the hospital and was on only over-the-counter Motrin by the time I got home.

    All that just to encourage you that you may be with Mason sooner than you fear. I'm certainly praying for that.

    Praying for peace, strength and wonderful health!

  4. Praying for you, Tristan! Praying for Mason and the rest of your family. I cannot even imagine the emotions that are coursing through you! You do what you need to do to be okay and to be strong. No one needs to be there unless you want them there. (like you need MY permission for any of that... I just hope it helps you not to feel guilty if you don't want any one there)

  5. Prayers here for you, Mason, your husband, children and those who are caring for them. Thank you for your example of faith and strength. You are amazing. I'm looking forward to hearing all about your new little one. God Bless YOU!!!

  6. Oh-WOW-I can't imagine going through all of what you are getting ready to...I will pray for God's Spirit to comfort you through this and give you the strength you will need to care for all your babies!

    I will also be enjoying the blog updates...God bless!

  7. My son spent the first 6weeks in the NICU. I've been praying for you. Did Mason turn head down or is he still breach? I found having my other 2 children around while my 3rd was in the NICU helped alot. I found the best place to cry (and pray) was in the shower. It's a hard road you are on, but the blessings you receive will be AMAZING! God bless you and your family!

  8. Praying, praying, praying, Tristan. I know you will do everything you can to get well quickly and be with Mason. You will be foremost in my mind tomorrow morning. Hugs!

  9. Have you packed a CD player, or your MP3 player for your room after delivery? It really helps, when you want to block out the crying or general hospital noise.

    You may find that you do want people with you. Play it by ear. We sometimes react 100% differently than we think we will.

    Happy birthday, Mason! Mason is what we were going to name our son (named him after his dad instead) & I just love the name. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

  10. Tristan, I am thinking of you tonight and lifting up and you and sweet Mason. I can't wait to read updates and see his beautiful face!! Praying that you can rest tonight and that tomorrow will go smoothly!

  11. I'm praying for you and for you precious little Mason.

    I can also tell you that the hospital I was at when I delivered my youngest was absolutely fabulous in terms of being sensitive to the fact that it wasn't a normal delivery. My daughter was in the NICU and not expected to live at the time, and the nurses were extremely caring. They also placed me in a room as far away from the other mothers as possible; I never even heard any babies during my stay.

  12. I was hoping I'd see you in church today but wasn't surprised that you weren't there. You are definitely on everyone's minds... it seemed like every time someone new spoke, they mentioned your family.

    Don't feel guilty for not wanting visitors... I don't think I would either. No harm in wanting to focus solely on you so you can get out of there and get to Mason.


  13. Tristan, you have been in my prayers and are still in my prayers. I will continue to be praying through the next step of your journey as well.

    I also want you to know that if you are medically stable you may sign yourself out of the hospital at any time. Once you have been instructed about how to care for your incision, once you can walk and go potty and do not need the care of others you do not HAVE to stay until end of the time that the insurance and doctors say you *should* stay. Women leave the hospital a day after giving birth and sometimes even hours after and do just fine.

    If you are rested, are healthy, have no complications, and otherwise need no other monitoring I say move on to the other hospital it will comfort both you and Mason! I watched women do it all the time when I worked at a level 4 L&D!

    (((((hugs))))) to you. Do what your heart, body and The Spirit tell you to do okay and don't feel that you have to do "what is normally done" just because others tell you so.

    Praying up here in Wisconsin, sweet friend!

  14. My church and I are praying for y'all! Love and hugs!

  15. Best wishes with your delivery. I'll be thinking about you and hoping that everything will go as smoothly as possible. My second child was born with Angelman Syndrome, so even though we didn't know it at first, it's had it's struggles. I wouldn't trade her for the world though. If they made a magic cure pill to take it all away, I'd give it to her for her sake, but I'd sure miss the Princess that she is right now. She's the sun that lights the earth! Always happy, loves everyone, and is beautiful to boot :o) An eternal 2 year old. You can't be around her and not smile :o) I'm sure your Mason will bring the same joy to your lives in many ways.
    Best wishes!

  16. Praying for you and your family:) Welcome to the world baby Mason!

  17. I prayed for you, Mason, and your family this morning. I will continue praying for a healthy, safe, delivery.

  18. Praying and thinking of you today! When my twins were in NICU our hospital automatically put me in antepartum instead of postpartum. In MY case, I would have preferred postpartum as it was closer to NICU, but their policy/reason was so the NICU moms didn't have to hear the new babies in postpartum. Even if that's not your hospital's policy, perhaps they'd be willing to put you there if you asked?

  19. Thoughts and prayers with you today. My son was born premature and I remember coming home from the hospital without him and laying on my bed screaming into my pillow. I wish that I had the faith in God at that time that you have now. You seem to be mentally in a "good" place. Don't feel like you have to stay strong for anyone, you are a mom who only wants what is best for her baby and in your heart you know that means being with mommy! Even thought we have never met I feel as though I know you from reading your homeschool blog for so long. Hugs and prayers! Carla

  20. I am praying for you, Mason, your family, and all of the medical professionals that will care for both of you. How lucky Mason is - to have such an amazing Mommy. xo

  21. Praying for you both this morning! - Angie Wright

  22. Tristan, I'm sorry to say I lost touch after you left the Crew. Someone posted a prayer request, and a link to this blog, and so you're back on our prayer list. We'll be praying specifically for you, your dh, your children, and Mason through the day, and onward.


  23. We are all praying for you, and Mason, and everyone in your family.


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